Dealing with a narcissist can be soul-destroying, especially when they’re not someone you can just get out of your life. However, it’s really important to consider how you’re engaging with them so that you can keep the damage they cause to the minimum. Here are some things you should never, ever be tempted to do with a narcissist. If you do, you’ll end up seriously regretting it.
1. Think you can change them
You can’t change anyone, but a narcissist is especially unlikely to let go of their toxic habits and behaviors that they use to manipulate everyone around them. The chances that you’re going to waltz into their life and suddenly turn them into caring, considerate, empathic human beings is pretty much slim to none — you’re more likely to get struck by lightning by holding a winning lottery ticket. Convincing yourself you have some kind of magic powers to reform them is a fool’s errand.
2. Expect them to be accountable for their actions
Narcissists are great at blaming everyone around them for their problems and their bad behavior. They’re always the victim; the world is out to get them and they never do anything wrong. Expecting them to suddenly own up to all the terrible things they do and feel genuinely apologetic for them is just not going to happen. You’ll end up frustrated when they somehow manage to still make everything everyone else’s fault (which will inevitably always be the case).
3. Let them destroy your belief in love or yourself (we can help with that)
Narcissists can cause so much chaos in your life that by the time you’re finally rid of them, you’re ready to swear off relationships for good. If you’ve dated one too many people like this, visit our sister company, Sweetn. They help you use the power of your own mind to completely reshape your love life in the best ways possible. Check it out here.
4. Argue with them
You can never win an argument with a narcissist. You could present them with cold hard proof of something they’d done and they’d still have a comeback ready that would completely shut down the argument. It doesn’t matter if you’re irrefutably right — they’ll never see it that way and they’ll certainly never admit it. Instead, you’ll end up feeling like you’re screaming at a brick wall and it won’t get you anywhere at all.
5. Expect them to care
Narcissists lack sympathy, empathy, and concern for anyone else but themselves. They might love-bomb you at first as a tool to manipulate you, but deep down, their only interest is how they can get what they want at any cost — and that cost is usually yours. You’ll always regret investing time, energy, and affection into someone who’s unwilling and incapable of giving it back to you.
6. Believe they’ll never get to you
I’m sure you’re strong, smart, intelligent, and know how to stand up for yourself. However, don’t mistake those admirable qualities for an imperviousness to a narcissist’s tricks. No one is above being duped by a master manipulator. However “with it” you are, they’ll find away around your defenses and before you realize what’s happening, you’ll be under their control. Believing that you can be around them and that you’ll be able to handle them without consequence is ridiculous.
7. Get on their bad side
While you should never be scared of anyone, by any means, it’s probably best not to go to war with a narcissist. Because they’re so ruthless and don’t care who they hurt on the way to getting what they want, they’ll be totally remorseless when they destroy you if you become their enemy. Obviously, that doesn’t mean you should just do their bidding and let them walk all over you, but it does mean you should steer as far clear of them as possible.
8. Try to expose them
It’s plain for you to see that the narcissist is, well, a narcissist. You’re hip to their behavior and you want everyone around you to know, so you try to expose them. Bad idea. First of all, other people probably already know what this person is like and realize that they can’t do anything about it. If people don’t think the narcissist is all that bad and they’re actually well-liked, you’ll come off looking like the bad guy. Second of all, doing this will make you into the narcissist’s enemy, and as mentioned above, this is not a good idea.
9. Get into a relationship with them
Of course, it’s not your fault if you don’t realize they’re a narcissist until you’re in too deep. In that case, you have to get out ASAP before they can do any more damage than they inevitably already have. If you do recognize their behavior and decide to pursue a relationship with them anyway, you’re basically asking to have your life destroyed. This can never end well, so try and shake off the hold they have over you and walk away.
10. Play their mind games
You’ll never beat a narcissist at their own mind games no matter how hard you try. Don’t kid yourself into thinking that you’re cleverer than them. That may be the case, but again, their ruthlessness means that they’ll always take it one step further to come out on top. They don’t take losing lightly, so when you decide you’re done playing, they won’t be and you’ll end up regretting it bigtime.
11. Have kids with them
I don’t think I really need to explain why this is a terrible idea. Once you have kids with a narcissist, you’re tied to them forever. You will literally never be free of them, no matter how hard you try. They will forever have some form of control over you and your life, and you’ll never be able to escape.
12. Trust them
One of the most upsetting things about dealing with a narcissist is that they’re often incredibly charismatic, at least at first. They know exactly the right thing to say to get you right where they want you. They’re so convincing that sometimes it’s tempting to trust them and let your guard down. This is a mistake you’ll inevitably live to regret. Narcissists should never be trusted — any power they have over you, they’ll use it to their own advantage.
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