When A Guy Talks About You To His Friends, What’s He Saying?

Women aren’t the only ones who talk to their friends about their relationships — guys do it too. Strangely enough, it’s not just about sex, but that’s certainly part of it. When a guy talks to his friends about you, you might assume he’s saying all bad stuff, but that’s not necessarily the case. Here are some things that may come up.

  1. How often he’s getting off When a guy talks about you to his friends, this is bound to come up. Don’t be surprised — you tell your friends the same thing about him. A guy’s proud when he gets laid. Of course, the big grin on his face kind of says everything. He might not give them intimate details, but he’ll definitely brag if he went several rounds over the weekend.
  2. Any weird or unusual sex stuff Did you finally get him to try something from Cosmo or something tantric? Whether it went well or not, it will be a topic of conversation the next time he’s with his friends. He’s going to want to know if they’ve tried it, how it went and how to get out of it in the future (at least if it didn’t go well).
  3. How much he misses you He might not actually say “I miss her,” but he’ll definitely talk about how weird it is that you’re not with him or how he wishes he could see you more often. In guy speak, this means he misses you. It’s also a way for his friends to know that he’s got it bad for you.
  4. If he’s ready for marriage or not The moment a guy gets in a serious relationship, he starts thinking about marriage. It’s even worse if you’re starting to pressure him to get married. He’ll turn to his closest friends to help him sort out whether he’s ready or not and how to deal with any pressure from you.
  5. Details on looks If his friends haven’t met you yet, they’re going to have a pretty good picture in their minds. As bad as it sounds, a new woman is kind of like a new car. You have to describe its best features so the friends get jealous. Don’t take it as an insult. If he’s bragging about your looks, he thinks you’re hot.
  6. How proud he is of you If you just got a new job or graduated with a new degree, he’s going to tell his friends. He’s going to talk about how hard you’ve worked and how proud he is that you achieved your goals. He’ll even talk about your current career, what you do as a hobby, or anything else that makes him proud.
  7. His confusion over your fights Remember when you said “you should know what you did” in your last fight? He’s going to turn to his friends to figure out what you meant. Basically anything he’s not sure about during a fight, he’s going to ask his friends about. He may even complain about the fight, but mainly he just wants to know how to handle what’s currently going on.
  8. Any weird habits you might have Do you have to walk around the bed three times before going to sleep? Maybe you must always eat your burgers upside down. Whatever he thinks is a little strange is going to be a big topic with his friends. You’d do the same with any of his unusual habits.
  9. What he really thinks of your family He can’t tell you that he hates your mom, but he can tell his friends. He’ll vent anytime he has to deal with them. Just be happy that he’s trying to spare your feelings and be nice to your family.
  10. His friends should meet your hot friends He’ll tell all his single friends about any of your single friends. It’s just part of being a good friend. If you’re in a relationship, you have to at least try and hook up your buddies with your girlfriend’s friends.
  11. What every action means What does it mean when you take him out? What did that emoji mean? Is that hair flip good or bad? Guys ask their friends about every little detail. They often get it wrong, but they at least try to decipher all your actions to better understand you. Sometimes, they overanalyze even more than we do.
  12. Why you wear the things you do Most guys are pretty simple. A tee and jeans is pretty much their entire wardrobe. When you break out terms like crop top, spaghetti strap, peasant top, and other confusing fashion terms, he’s lost. He’ll talk to his friends about any strange things you might wear. Part of it might be trying to figure out the best way to get it off you. For the most part, he just wants to know why you’re wearing those obviously uncomfortable stilettos and skinny jeans.
  13. What he should do to impress you You man always wants to impress you, even if it doesn’t seem like it. When he’s out of ideas, he talks to his friends about what to do. He’ll even run his own ideas by them and then tell them how it went.
  14. How lucky he is to have you When he introduces you to his friends as his better half, they already know you are. He’s already gushed (at least as much as guys gush) about how lucky he is to have found a woman who gets him. It’s also why his friends give him so much grief and tease him when you’re around.

Why you shouldn’t worry too much when a guy talks about you to his friends

  1. It doesn’t mean a lot. At the end of the day, people talk. Sometimes they’re blowing off steam, sometimes they’re distracted when they’re running their mouths, and sometimes they’re just saying stuff for the sake of it. There’s no real malicious intent there and he’s not harboring some deep-seated secret feelings about you that you don’t know about. More often than not, it’s just small talk and doesn’t really have an effect on your relationship. That being said, he definitely shouldn’t be bad-mouthing you or disrespecting you seriously and if he is, that’s a serious problem.
  2. You talk to your friends about him too. You can’t lie and say that you don’t talk about your boyfriend to your friends, and you probably do it often. Maybe you vent when you’ve been in a fight, maybe you brag about him when he’s done something amazing, and maybe you share just how amazing the sex you had was. It happens.
  3. Everyone needs an outlet. While talking about your partner to your friends should never replace direct communication with him, you do need other people to talk to besides your boyfriend. Naturally, the “other people” are going to be your friends. It’s vital that you have someone who’s not personally invested in the relationship to act as sounding boards and occasionally even offer advice (when you want it, that is). This allows you to process your thoughts and feelings in a more even-keeled, less emotionally-charged way. It’s healthy.
  4. It saves you a lot of grief, to be honest. When your boyfriend talks about you to his friends, that can serve as a way for him to get over a negative feeling he has before bringing it back to you and creating a major drama over something that’s not a big deal. For instance, say you got in a little argument before you left for work this morning over something pretty minor. By telling his friends about how annoyed he was (and hopefully hearing from them that it’s no big deal and he needs to chill), he can get out of his bad move rather than coming home to start an even bigger fight with you. Of course, this is when he has decent friends. If the people he hangs out with are toxic, they could end up amping him up.
  5. It’s totally normal. This is the bottom line. There’s nothing weird or inappropriate about talking to your friends about your boyfriend or having him talk to his friends about you. It’s literally what humans have done for ages, potentially since the dawn of humankind. It’s really no big deal, so don’t make it one.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.