Don’t Believe Him When He Says He Doesn’t Like Texting — Here’s What’s Really Going On

A guy who really wants to date me will want to reach out and text me. If he says “I don’t do texting,” it’s a huge red flag for me—here’s why:

  1. He’s saying something else altogether. When he says he doesn’t like texting, he’s really saying, “Don’t wait for me to contact you.” Basically, he’s not going to make much effort to talk and stay in touch. Thanks for the heads-up, douchebag.
  2. He doesn’t want to be tied down. Some guys get freaked out about texting as though they’re going to be tied down to making conversation every day. But who said it was a chore? It’s about enjoying communicating with someone you really like. Where’s the effort in that? Clearly, the guy’s just not into chatting to or dating me if he uses that excuse.
  3. He’s not thinking of me. I want to be with someone who texts me randomly to tell me something funny or ask how my day is going. It shows that he’s thinking of me. It’s these small gestures that can mean so much. A guy who doesn’t want to text won’t do these things, which means I’m not on his mind at all.
  4. He can’t be depended on. I want to know that the guy I’m dating will reply to my texts and be there when I need him. If he’s not the type to text, that means he’s going to be flying off the radar at times. I don’t want to be chasing some guy who’s gone AWOL. Hell no.
  5. He’s full of mixed messagesSo he insists that he likes me but he just doesn’t want to stay in touch? Right. It would be nice if his words could match his actions, is all I’m saying. If he genuinely had feelings for me, he’d be jumping at the chance to stay in touch and have fun conversations with me on a regular basis. Come on!
  6. He wants what’s convenient. It’s so frustrating to date a guy who enjoys my company, but then when we’re not in the same place he never makes an effort to talk to me via text. WTF? It’s like he’s only with me when it’s convenient for him. Out of sight, out of mind? Totally messed up.
  7. He doesn’t want relationship demands. He might be using the “I don’t text” excuse as a way to make me lower my relationship demands and expectations. Basically, he doesn’t want to feel that I’m going to expect communication regularly. Um, who the hell wouldn’t? We’re supposed to be dating, aren’t we?
  8. He’s not my type. When a guy says he doesn’t text, I know right away that we’re just not right for each other. I want a guy who’ll text me daily, not because he feels he has to, but because he really wants to. If our texting habits aren’t in sync, we’re not a good match.
  9. He won’t move the relationship forwardIf a guy can’t text me regularly, how would he ever move the relationship to a new level, such as by calling me instead of relying on texting to stay in touch? He probably wouldn’t. We’d just be stuck in a weird situation where we wouldn’t even talk much via text! Ugh.
  10. He’s not serious. Texting is the smallest amount of effort a guy can make. It’s sort of one step up from emailing, but barely. So if a guy’s saying I shouldn’t expect texts, that’s really a bad sign. If he’s not even prepared to text, then what the heck is he even doing here? It seems he wants to keep the relationship light and casual. Ugh. No thanks.
  11. He’s a coward. A guy who doesn’t want to text might just be too much of a coward to tell me that he’s not interested in pursuing a relationship. He’s hoping to get the message across that he’s not going to be around for long. Message received, jerk.
  12. He wants his own space. Maybe he wants time away from me when he won’t be disturbed and can do his own thing, with whoever he wants. Dodgy AF. What, is he afraid I’ll be texting him when he’s with his other girlfriend? Get over yourself, dude!
  13. He’s got relationship issues. It could also be that he’s got some negative views about women and relationships based on his rocky past. For instance, maybe he’s been with women who wanted to text all the time and got really mad at him for not stepping up, so now he’s adopted a no-text policy. Why should I pay for what they did? It feels like a giant copout for him to use this excuse. He just doesn’t want to put any effort into a real relationship.
  14. He sees texting as a waste of time. I totally get that texting is never the same as seeing someone in real life, but it can be a great way to get to know someone better, especially because we won’t be hanging out all the time. If he doesn’t want to text or he never texts first, he’s really saying that he doesn’t want to get to know me much. You know what? The only thing that’s a waste of time is whatever the hell we’re doing together. Goodbye!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.