How To Get Him To Chase You — 15 Things To Remember

Chemistry and physical appearance may initially attract men to women, but when those wear off, we ladies have to be resourceful. It’s silly and outdated to believe that keeping a guy’s interest is going to be simple. However, if you like this man, here’s how to make him chase you. It’s a lot easier than you think!

How to get a man to chase you

1. Don’t be too available.

When a guy knows he can see a girl any time that’s convenient for him, it decreases any sense of urgency to hang out with her. If a guy thinks your social calendar is full, he’ll be much quicker to try to secure a slot for himself. The same goes for texting. If you’re always by your phone responding the minute he texts you, he will think you don’t have anything else to do. Men want something that they think other men want, too. Don’t play games, but play it cool. It’s okay to say yes to last-minute plans on occasion but keep in mind, absence makes the heart grow fonder and keeps the desire burning.

2. Always leave him wanting more.

Don’t give away your whole life’s story on your first, second, or even third date. Build intrigue. Give him half of the most interesting facts and tidbits about your life on your first date and sprinkle the rest throughout subsequent dates. It’s like leaving a trail of breadcrumbs for him to follow to your heart. Throw in something about that random internship you had in college or that you once were the CEO of your own LLC before your current job. If he feels like he knows everything about you, he probably won’t be chomping at the bit to book your next date.

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4. Let him think he’s in charge.

Men don’t like to be bossed around or dominated. They want to be the alpha. That doesn’t mean you can’t be in charge, he just has to think he’s in charge. Find ways to drop subtle hints to get what you want. We all have a boss at work, guys don’t want to date one too. Keep in mind boss= loss of a guy’s interest.

5. Be a temptress, not trashy.

In the art of seduction, there’s a very fine line between provocative and p*rnographic. The trick to titillating is teasing. If you’re sending suggestive texts to him, it’s better to allude to risqué acts instead of being explicit. In the clothing department, less isn’t always more. If you make his imagination work to figure out what you look like naked, chances are he’ll do anything to see if he was right.

6. Don’t complain.

Remember Chandler’s girlfriend Janice on Friends? She had that annoying nasal-y voice and always said, “Oh. My. God.” The second a woman starts to complain, that’s what a guy hears in his head. That annoying sound is comparable to nails scratching against a chalkboard and it seems like it’ll never end. Once you start to complain, it’s hard for him to remember that you’re a cool person that he wants to get to know better. The complaining runs on a loop in his brain and he’ll probably run in the opposite direction of you.

7. Dress to impress.

People are attracted to people who take care of themselves. Taking care of yourself is a sign that you invest in yourself, which is attractive. You don’t need to spend your entire paycheck on designer duds, but you should make sure that your outfit fits will and is sans wrinkles. While you’re at it, make sure you’re maintaining your appearance. Shave your legs, file your nails, and please blow dry your hair. If you don’t make any effort to look nice for your date, he probably won’t put any effort into asking you out again.

8. Don’t flake on a date.

As hard as it is to believe, it takes courage for a guy to ask you out. Once you say yes, he thinks he’s out of the danger zone of rejection. Unless you have a really good reason (and I’m talking a medical or family emergency), do not cancel a date you’ve already agreed to. If it was your first date, chances are the guy won’t try to reschedule. If you’ve been out a few times before or have flaked on dates you’ve committed to before, he won’t take you seriously.

9. Take an interest in his interests.

Guys want to be around girls who they can share things the like with. If every time he brings up his favorite video game or his love for golf you roll your eyes, you’re going to exhaust him instead of exciting him and will make him want to consciously uncouple from you. While you don’t have to memorize Rory McIlroy’s stats, Wikipedia the basics of the game so you can chime in on the conversation or find a video game you will both like to play. The girls and guys who game together, stay together.

10. Have a life.

You obviously have room in your life for love, but you’re certainly not lacking anything without it. You’ve got a bomb career, a loyal friend group, an amazingly supportive family, plenty of passions and hobbies, and you feel like a whole woman. It’s clear that a guy needs to be pretty special for you to make time and space for him, so he’ll have to work for it. Funny enough, knowing this will only make him chase you more.

11. Don’t suffer fools or put up with crap.

While there will obviously be weak dudes out there who cower or, conversely, get nasty when you call them out on their crap, the good ones will be impressed with your insistence on standing up for yourself and they’ll respect you that much more for it. Set boundaries, call out bad behavior, and demand courtesy and care. That’s the very least he should give you.

12. Know what you want and don’t be shy about it.

There’s nothing hotter than a woman who knows what she wants in life and in love and isn’t afraid to go after it. If you’re trying to get him to chase you, it may seem counterintuitive to say that this quality will work in your favor, but it totally will. Let him see how fervently you go after your career goals, your personal ambitions, and pretty much anything else you want in life. If he puts in the work, he might even get to see how that passion translates to your relationship.

13. Learn not to care about what anyone else thinks.

This is easier said than done, of course, but it’s a skill well worth mastering. Being authentically and unapologetically yourself is hot, and it’s the best way to live your life. Wear what you want, eat what you want, and live by your own rules (so long as they’re not hurting anyone else). Guys won’t be able to help but take notice and fall head over heels for you.

14. Embrace your independence and self-sufficiency.

You work hard and pay your own bills. Everything you want in life, you can buy yourself. You’re not looking for a partner to spoil you or make you feel like a queen because you can do that for yourself. Guys love an independent woman, and if there’s someone you have your eye on, seeing just how well you can look out for yourself will make him want to chase you. He’ll know he’s wanted, not needed, and that will drive him nuts in the best way.

15. Be open to love and connection.

While being a strong, independent woman is totally attractive, no one wants to pursue someone who’s completely emotionally cut off and acts like she’s not interested in and can’t be bothered with love. It’s important that you’re open to connecting with someone on a deeper level and that you don’t reject every and any effort guys make to bond with you.

16. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Women get a bad rep for being uptight and “naggy,” and while that’s mostly a BS excuse for guys not wanting to pull their weight, you have to admit, sometimes we can be a bit annoying. One of the easiest ways to get a guy to chase you is to be chill. While you should never put up with serious disrespect, getting cranky over every perceived slight is not only pointless, it’s the easiest way to alienate people, particularly a guy you like. Don’t even go there.

Do guys actually like the chase?

happy couple playing around

provided by iStock

If you worry you’re being manipulative by trying any of the above, stop right there. A lot of men actually like the chase. They want a challenge, someone to put them through their paces. It keeps things fresh and interesting. While this is not an excuse to treat him like crap or manipulate him, there’s no harm in a bit of lighthearted fun. In fact, he might even thank you. Here’s why:

1. It’s all about evolutionary biology.

According to some evolutionary psychologists, men may be wired to pursue women. That’s because they’re programmed to seek out partners who can bear healthy offspring. It’s in their blood.

2. It could come down to social conditioning.

In some cultures, men are taught that pursuing women is an important part of courtship and relationship-building. This can create a sense of excitement and validation for men who enjoy the chase.

3. Want a partner? Attract love with the power of your mind.

Sweetn is a new research-based startup that shows you how to call love into your life with the power of your mind. Take our quiz, and try our tools—they can transform your energy and your love life in a few weeks. Just click here.

4. There are psychological factors at play.

Some guys feel a sense of accomplishment or control from this cat-and-mouse dynamic. As a result, the pursuit can be seen as a challenge to be conquered. Also, they feel manly as hell because of the ego boost it provides.

5. They like to impress us, after all.

Men who are genuinely interested in a woman may enjoy pursuing her. That’s because it allows them to get to know her better and demonstrate their interest. They want to be the hero of the story, and by chasing you and eventually “conquering,” they will. In many ways, you’re almost doing them a favor, right? Right.

Oh, and one more thing to keep in mind. You should chase him a bit sometimes too!

Abby Stern grew up in New Orleans and is now an actress, screenwriter, and blogger (who isn't?) trying to keep it real in Los Angeles. She also writes for FabFitFun and contributes to various blogs detailing her unique perspective on dating and twenty-something life in Hollywood. Gwyneth Paltrow is her spirit animal and in her free time, Abby enjoys Bellinis and plotting to steal unattended Birkin bags. Follow her on Twitter: @abbystern