Wanting to find someone to spend the rest of your life with is just human nature — companionship with someone who’s by your side through thick and thin is what makes the journey, right? However, if your desire to find your person is overshadowed by a crippling anxiety about it never happening, you’re heading into some dangerous territory. If you’re not sure whether you’re making some bad decisions because you’re afraid of being alone forever, consider whether or not you’re guilty of doing these things
1. Dating people you don’t even like
They live with their parents, don’t own an iron, and smoke like a chimney while you’re a health nut, but you’re still going out with them because who knows if and when anyone else will come along? In your mind, while going out with them isn’t exactly fulfilling and they give you the opposite of butterflies, it could theoretically be worse, right? You could end up being alone forever, and that’s your greatest fear.
2. Staying in toxic relationships far past their sell-by date
Your ex talked to you like garbage and spent more time leaving comments for their favorite Instagram model than they did with you. You felt disrespected and unloved and were completely miserable when you were with them, but you still let the relationship drag on and on and on… and you may even have fought them on it when they were the ones to finally end it. If this sounds like an all too common occurrence in your life, there’s a clear problem. Leaving a toxic relationship is hard but it’s the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
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4. Forcing yourself to be social when you’d really rather chill at home
You’ve had a long week at work and there’s a new docuseries that just dropped on Netflix that you really wanted to watch in your pajamas while eating half a pie by yourself from your favorite pizza place. However, because you’re afraid of being alone forever, every single minute has to be jam-packed with as much socializing as possible. You worry that if you don’t get off the couch and “put yourself out there” at every opportunity, you could miss out on something big.
5. Feeling guilty when you turn down an invitation
You can’t make your colleague’s happy hour drinks session this Friday so you let them know, but then you’re eaten up by guilt over it all weekend long. It’s not because you’re super close or that they’re really disappointed by your absence — neither of those things is true — it’s that you feel like you could be screwing up your chances of finding your person. What if they’re at the bar that night and you’re not and you never get another chance? The thought alone is enough to send you into cardiac arrest.
6. Being a people-pleaser
You want to be as amenable as possible, which means not rocking the boat and possibly “ruining your chances” of finding the person you’re meant to be with forevermore. This is ridiculous, obviously, but when you’re afraid of being alone forever, you can convince yourself of some pretty wild things. Sadly, being a people pleaser rarely leads to any kind of happiness. Instead, you end up feeling exhausted, taken advantage of, and generally like crap.
7. Transforming yourself over and over into who you believe is the “ideal” partner
It goes without saying that changing your personality, appearance, career, or anything else about your life because you think that’s what will make you more attractive to the people you want to like you is bad news bears. First of all, there is no “ideal” partner and attraction is far from one size fits all. Plus, what happens when the mask inevitably slips and they find out you’re someone entirely different than you initially presented yourself to be? Do yourself a favor and be authentically you — that’s the version the right person will love.
8. Jumping from one relationship to another
You legitimately can’t remember the last time you were single. And while you claim that things have just panned out that way, if you were being honest, it’s actually because you hate being on your own because you worry you’ll end up staying like that forever. Take some time between relationships and learn to enjoy your own company. It’ll pay dividends in the long run in many different ways.
