Should I Text Him? How To Decide When It’s Right To Reach Out

So you’ve had a great first date with a guy, or maybe you ran into an old flame and you’d love to reconnect with and you’re thinking of reaching out. You have no problem breaking the rules by texting him first, but you also want to make sure that you’re doing it at the right time for maximum effect. Here are a few things to consider before you start typing.

Text him the evening or day after a great date.

Sure, there are plenty of rules that people think they need to follow after meeting a date for the first time, but rules are meant to be broken. If you don’t want to wait three days before texting him and you’re sure you had a great time with him, text him to show your interest. If he had a great time too, he’ll appreciate and respond to your text. No matter what others say, if this is your case, you’re not being creepy or needy when you reach out first.

If he initiated the last conversation, text him.

Relationships are about give and take, and the best ones have a good balance of effort and communication. If he initiated the last conversation, it’s your turn to show interest. Remember that a healthy relationship is a two-way street. You don’t have to wait minutes or days to respond if you’re both interested in taking things further. Don’t hound a guy who hasn’t texted you in forever – he’s not worth it.

Double texting is okay… in some circumstances.

Some guys prefer face-to-face communications to texts or calls and that’s perfectly okay. If you’re sure the guy is worth the effort, meets your standards, and is interested in you there’s no reason why you shouldn’t text him even if he hasn’t responded to your last messages. Maybe he’s busy at work or trying to meet a deadline, after all. But like I said, this is only applicable if you know the guy’s got the feels for you. If this isn’t your case, there’s no point texting him because it’ll only annoy him and you.

Depending on your relationship, it’s okay to text first if you need to vent.

You’ve had a bad day and need to rant and that’s cool, but texting him to vent will solely depend on the relationship you share. If you’ve been on more than four dates with him and you know he likes you in a deeper way, chances are he’d stand by you while you get it all off your chest. Anything less than that, it’s best to keep venting to a minimum. You don’t want to spook him and be at the receiving end of a stingy one-liner after texting him endless blocks of rants about what ticked you off.

Text only when you’re sober.

From personal experience, it’s never a good idea to text your guy when you’re drunk or stoned. Sure, it’ll give you the courage you need to ask him daring questions, but when the dust settles, taking ownership of the message could become tricky. You can’t take back a text, so think twice before hitting the send button. Wait until you’re sober before you text him so you don’t regret anything said and/or done.

Know that weekend texting is different from weekday texting.

I’m sure you already know this, but much like women, men will value the relationship more when they know they’re not your weekend hookup. Weekday texts are often casual, but weekend texts are considered a little more flirtatious. If you want to meet him or go out together, texting on a weekend makes sense, but if you want to get to know him, casual weekday texts are your thing. Know that weekend texts aren’t always well-received because it can give your guy an impression that you’re only wanting to hook up but aren’t interested in taking things further.

If he’s an ex, text him only if you have a clear goal.

It happens to the best of us – we bump into an ex and suddenly a lot of questions arise. If this is your case and if you’ve maintained a friendly relationship, there’s no harm in texting him if you need the number of the mechanic who worked on your car or a groomer who groomed your dog. Remember, your text should be specific with limited pleasantries. If you’re just bored and want to know what he’s up to, put your phone down.

Text only if you want to apologize after a recent fight.

If you can’t meet face-to-face to make things right, texting him to apologize for things you said or did that hurt his feelings is a good way to make amends. Choose your words carefully so your text won’t turn into another argument. But what if he did something hurtful that made you behave the way you did? In this case, if he’s a keeper, text him about what he did to upset you and then own up for hurting his feelings. If he’s really interested in you, he’ll apologize and work to make things right. If he doesn’t, well, good riddance.

Text him if you want him to know how you feel about him.

If you’ve caught feelings for him, there’s nothing wrong with letting him know, so get to the point by texting him first if you can’t meet face-to-face. If he feels the same way about you, he’ll respond. If he doesn’t, he isn’t worth your time, but at least he’ll know that you’re a strong, independent woman who doesn’t shy away from tricky situations.

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