11 Signs You’re Trying Too Hard On Dating Apps

It’s one thing to want to meet someone great on a dating app, but quite another if you’re trying so hard to meet someone that you’re coming across as desperate or like you just want an ego boost from making matches. Here are 11 signs you need to put your phone down and take a deep breath.

You match with everyone. You know that your perfect person might not always come packaged in the way you expect, so you match with everyone who likes you to see if you have a connection. The danger of this is that you end up in conversations with people you don’t even want to know, or you end up blocking people before having a conversation with them. Why not stop and take your time to make your matches count based on what you’re looking for? It’s way less stressful!

You ask a ton of questions right away. You want to stand out from the crowd on a dating app, so you decide to jump in with some interesting and creative questions. While this has some merit, you really don’t want to go OTT as that can make it seem like you’re trying too hard instead of letting the chat flow naturally.

You log in multiple times a day. You might want to take online dating seriously, but that doesn’t mean you have to dedicate hours to it every day. That can cause you unnecessary stress that you don’t need. It might also put pressure on you to make matches. It’s dating, not a job search. You need to have other things going on in your life.

You subscribe to multiple dating apps. You might want to subscribe to more than one dating site or app so that you can increase your chances of meeting someone great. However, if you have more than two dating apps on your phone, it’s just too much. You’re turning your search for a relationship into something obsessive, and it can backfire by making you try too hard to meet lots of people. What’s the point when you’re not even enjoying the process?!

You feel down when you don’t match with anyone. When you don’t make matches, it hurts your confidence. You start worrying that your profile’s not good enough or that you as a person aren’t valuable to date. See how the thoughts can spiral? Don’t turn matching into something ego-driven. That’s the classic way in which you’ll come across as desperate and end up jaded.

You try the shock tactic. You want your first message to someone to be as memorable as possible, so you resort to a shocking statement or question. While this will definitely make the person remember you, you’re unlikely to keep their attention for long if you can’t sustain it with something a bit more realistic. Instead of trying so hard, keep things casual in the way you would talk to someone you met in real life.

You go too deep too quickly. Speaking of keeping things light, avoid heavy topics like religion and politics right off the bat. You might think getting into a real, deep conversation will help you connect, but it can be too much too soon. It’s a dating app, not a talk show. Ease into it. 

You change your profile pic daily. Pictures are what people mostly go on when making matches until they get to know someone on a more personal level. But obsessing about your picture too much can make you seem desperate. Stop changing it every day! Focus on a shot you really like and then leave it alone.

You share too much. You know that if you want to connect with someone on a dating app you need to open up a little, but sharing too much about your life too soon can backfire. Not only will you exhaust conversational topics, but you’ll also come across as desperate for a connection or for someone to listen to you. Ugh. Don’t be that person.

You text at odd hours. This one might not seem like a biggie, but the time when you send someone a message can reveal things about you. If you’re sending your match messages really late at night, it makes it seem like you’re only keen for some dirty talk. Plus, bear in mind that the person is probably heading to work early in the morning on a weekday, so texting them a long message and expecting a reply right away is unrealistic. If you do this often, it might also seem like you’ve woken up with the sole intention of getting in touch with them.

You’re too invested. The person you’ve been chatting to tells you that he’s got to go for a root canal at the dentist or he’s got a big meeting at work. You go ahead and wish them good luck. Nothing wrong with that. However, if you hardly know the person and you’re still only chatting on a dating app, yet you’re telling them you’re thinking of them and then asking them how it went immediately afterward, you’re maybe coming on too strong. You’re not a couple yet. Slow down and breathe!

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