If you’re into novelty gifts and/or penises or you know someone who does, boy, have I got the perfect Christmas gift for you. Firebox is selling a seed kit for chilies that look exactly like d*cks when you grow them and it’s blowing my mind.
Seriously, they look freakishly like a dude’s junk. Sure, the real thing isn’t bright red — I mean, hopefully not! If it is, the dude has a serious infection and needs to seek help immediately — but shape-wise, it’s uncanny, right?
All you need to do is add water. Making these things grow is as simple as dealing with a real guy, I suppose — you don’t have to put much effort in to see results. Just add some water, lie back and think of England, so to speak, and it won’t be long (12-18 days) before you see a little action.
These are the real deal. They’re totally edible chilies and the plant is legit too — once it gets to a certain height, you can and should repot it in a more suitable environment (and no, Firebox doesn’t sell vagina planters or anything, so you’re on your own here) and you can keep on growing.
The pod itself is super environmentally friendly. After you’re done with it, it decomposes and becomes coconut fiber fertilizer that helps the chilies grow even bigger and better. Not only that, but Firebox says that the seeds and the plant it later becomes are all 100% organic. Mmm, organic d*cks!
This is a hilarious and inexpensive gift. What’s better than a d*ck stocking stuffer? Ahem. Nothing, I don’t think! For only $12.99, you can give one of the most unique and hilarious gifts the recipient will likely ever receive and will definitely always remember. After all, what’s more generous than giving the gift of d*ck to those closest to you? Absolutely nothing. Grab yours from Firebox HERE.
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